November 2011
1 post
ListenThe stupid Eagles lost to the stupid Bears...
Nov 8th
October 2011
1 post
3 tags
Oct 21st
2 notes
August 2011
2 posts
5 tags
Aug 11th
37 notes
3 tags
Aug 8th
4 notes
July 2011
7 posts
It's all part of God's shitty plan
When something horrible happens people always say it’s part of God’s plan. God’s sitting in the clouds thinking, “Is there any way my plan can avoid giving this little girl brain cancer? Nope. Girl’s gotta get brain cancer. Oh well.”
Jul 25th
20 notes
6 tags
Jul 22nd
11 notes
6 tags
Jul 16th
41 notes
3 tags
ListenCurtis Freeranger - Brown City (Live at MSG...
Jul 13th
4 notes
ListenMutronix - Titty City An older jam, but...
Jul 10th
1 tag
ListenMutronix - Space Ice Cream Girl
Jul 6th
3 tags
ListenMutronix - Boys’ Bathroom
Jul 5th
5 notes
June 2011
1 post
2 tags
ListenMutronix - Why I am a Jail I made up the chorus...
Jun 28th
1 note
May 2011
3 posts
ListenThe Tragedy of Bruce and Gary
May 24th
5 notes
4 tags
May 4th
3 tags
May 1st
12 notes
March 2011
1 post
7 tags
WatchWatch
My latest “Anything Does Stand Up” animation for atom.com. They wanted something topical and then decided Charlie Sheen would be an interesting topic. I thought it would be fun to have an actual tiger-blooded vatican assassin warlock doing stand-up. My first version had him with a haughty British accent and he bombed hard. I definitely preferred that version and thought it had way...
Mar 10th
9 notes
February 2011
3 posts
Feb 22nd
TMI about being a Grower
As I understand it, a grow-er is a guy whose flaccid penis is small, but whose boner is big. A show-er is one whose flaccid penis is large, but only grows slightly when erect. An obvious false-dichotomy, this classification doesn’t account for those who have small penises regardless of state, or the lucky ones whose dongs are large when soft, and yet still manage to grow significantly when...
Feb 17th
15 notes
I Attended a Debate
Tonight I had the pleasure of attending my first “professional” debate. It was about the existence (or not) of an afterlife, and featured two of my favorite authors, Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris, arguing against two prominent rabbis. The event was enjoyable, and I was especially pleased to see Hitchens sharp and hilarious, despite his stage 4 esophageal cancer. I figured I...
Feb 16th
10 notes
January 2011
5 posts
Jan 26th
10 notes
6 tags
Jan 25th
5 tags
Jan 21st
2 tags
Ways to get gelato on your penis
1. put your penis in gelato 2. put gelato on your penis
Jan 15th
11 notes
WatchWatch
This is the first episode of my atom.com series, ‘Anything Does Stand-Up’
Jan 6th
12 notes
December 2010
2 posts
ListenThis song is called ‘Party Harvey.’ ...
Dec 23rd
ListenI found this old Mutronix song I recorded. ...
Dec 1st
1 note
November 2010
6 posts
Pre-Facebook
I can’t believe there used to be a time when if you wanted to creepily browse through personal pictures of high school acquaintances, you had to ACTUALLY stalk them and break into their houses. 
Nov 30th
2 notes
A quick fix for the FAA
Instead of pat-downs and scanners, there should just be a table with paper and some markers, and all you have to do to get to your gate is draw a picture of Mohamed with a cock in his mouth. PROBLEM SOLVED.
Nov 24th
3 notes
Nov 17th
21 notes
Nov 10th
9 notes
The Original 'People' Blog, 'Bread People' →
Bread People is a service that provides pictures of bread celebrities for you to look at
Nov 4th
Nov 1st
October 2010
9 posts
Oct 29th
5 notes
Oct 25th
A Boring Post about a Boring Sports Hypothetical
I thought I’d make an uncharacteristically long post re: a hypothetical question I was thinking about: If a new form of steroids, or ‘performance enhancing drugs’ was created, and it was harmless, should it be allowed in professional sports?  Currently, one of the arguments against steroids in pro sports is that they not only pose a health risk to the athlete, but to everyone...
Oct 25th
5 notes
1 tag
Oct 23rd
Oct 13th
5 notes
It would be interesting if the second-to-last miner pulled out tells everyone, “well that’s it.  I’m the last one. Thanks everybody let’s get some food,” totally fucking over the last guy in the mine.  
Oct 12th
9 notes
Today I saw Brett Favre's boner
And it was clearly leaning towards retirement.
Oct 11th
1 tag
Van Halen’s cover of ‘Pretty Woman’ sounds like an intense bat-mitzvah band getting all ‘Van Halen’ on the guitar when the guest of honor gets introduced to the party.
Oct 7th
3 tags
Oct 5th
4 notes
September 2010
16 posts
The Best Sack Celebration
Would be if a defensive end sacked a QB, pulled a pipe out of his pants, smoked it, and blew smoke rings that said ‘sacked’
Sep 27th
4 notes
2 tags
Sep 22nd
2 notes
2 tags
Sep 19th
4 tags
Sep 16th
4 notes
2 tags
Sep 13th
9 notes
The Leading Causes of Thought Cancer
are The Qur’an, The Old Testament and The New Testament.  These books are scratching and clawing to keep society from growing up.
Sep 11th
5 notes
Sep 10th
15 notes
1 tag
Sep 8th
18 notes
Sep 6th
10 notes